Except it could not be less funny.
With a tie-breaking vote from Vice President JD Vance, Pete Hegseth will now be Secretary of Defense.
Pete Hegseth isn't qualified to be shift leader at a Dairy Queen (nothing against Dairy Queen). Putting him in charge of the entire United States military is a perversion — and every one of the 50 senators who voted for him knows it.
So why did they do it?
Because they were afraid that if they did the right thing and rejected Hegseth, Donald Trump would back someone else in their next election, and assistant president Elon Musk would spend millions to defeat them.
That's why Trump defended his nominee so aggressively once news reports indicated how horrible Hegseth's record is. It was a test. "Look how much they fear me." "Look how willing they are to prostrate themselves at my feet." "Look what I've turned them into."
It's really quite pathetic how craven and insecure they are.
Especially considering that even if they did lose their seats, ex-senators do pretty well. There are cushy positions on corporate boards or as high-paid lobbyists. There are deals to be had for books, podcasts, and speaking gigs. There are roles as pundits and hosts on Fox "News." There are shady right-wing nonprofits and "think tanks" to run. There are car dealerships and cryptocurrencies to profit from. And on and on and on.
But no, these 50 senators were so afraid of Trump and so addicted to the illusion of political power (we say "illusion" because in reality they have forsaken any actual power in abject fealty to Trump) that they were willing to put Hegseth in charge of the $900 billion Pentagon, its 3 million employees, and all its warfighting capacity.
This is a man who has shown himself unable to run a small nonprofit. A man about whom there are credible reports of excessive drinking and out-of-control behavior. And a man against whom there are multiple allegations of sexual assault and domestic violence.
This is also a man who refused in his confirmation hearing to renounce the use of torture. A man who at his hearing was unaware of a major international alliance. And a man who has argued that women should not serve in combat roles.
Let's not forget that for generations, it is Republicans who have held themselves out as the party that supports the military and is "strong on defense."
In case you think your senator would never jeopardize America's national security, here are the 50 Republican senators who just sold out our troops, our veterans, and our country:
Jim Banks, Indiana
John Barrasso, Wyoming
Marsha Blackburn, Tennessee
John Boozman, Arkansas
Katie Britt, Alabama
Ted Budd, North Carolina
Shelley Capito, West Virginia
Bill Cassidy, Louisiana
John Cornyn, Texas
Tom Cotton, Arkansas
Kevin Cramer, North Dakota
Michael Crapo, Idaho
Ted Cruz, Texas
John Curtis, Utah
Steve Daines, Montana
Joni Ernst, Iowa
Deb Fischer, Nebraska
Lindsey Graham, South Carolina
Charles Grassley, Iowa
Bill Hagerty, Tennessee
Joshua Hawley, Missouri
John Hoeven, North Dakota
Jon Husted, Ohio
Cindy Hyde-Smith, Mississippi
Ron Johnson, Wisconsin
Jim Justice, West Virginia
John Kennedy, Louisiana
James Lankford, Oklahoma
Mike Lee, Utah
Cynthia Lummis, Wyoming
Roger Marshall, Kansas
Dave McCormick, Pennsylvania
Ashley Moody, Florida
Jerry Moran, Kansas
Bernie Moreno, Ohio
Markwayne Mullin, Oklahoma
Rand Paul, Kentucky
Pete Ricketts, Nebraska
James Risch, Idaho
Mike Rounds, South Dakota
Eric Schmitt, Missouri
Rick Scott, Florida
Tim Scott, South Carolina
Tim Sheehy, Montana
Dan Sullivan, Alaska
John Thune, South Dakota
Thom Tillis, North Carolina
Tommy Tuberville, Alabama
Roger Wicker, Mississippi
Todd Young, Indiana
(Here are the three Republican senators who did not vote for the charlatan: Susan Collins, Maine; Mitch McConnell, Kentucky; Lisa Murkowski, Alaska.)
If you are feeling angry and/or fearful about what it will mean to have someone as devastatingly unqualified and dangerous as Pete Hegseth running the Department of Defense, join Public Citizen in a message to the 50 senators who just voted for exactly that.
Those who serve in uniform, our nation's veterans, the hundreds of thousands of civilians who work in the military, and — most crucially of all — every single American deserve better (far better) than Pete Hegseth. You have put us all in harm's way for no reason other than your own cowardice in the face of Donald Trump. Shame on you.
Click to add your name now.
Thanks for taking action.
For progress,
- Robert Weissman & Lisa Gilbert, Co-Presidents of Public Citizen
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